Spandex Tights - Disasters, Calamities and Other Fun Stuff

by Northern Chill

Author's note :  This serial revolves the aerobic crime fighting duo Lycra Woman and Spandex Girl, comic book heroines whose exploits are equal parts humorous and dangerous.  In this series, a gathering of some of their most outrageous foes points to the most perilous predicament these luscious ladies have ever dealt with.

There are strong themes of sexuality and profane language contained within this story series so if this bothers you in any way, please move onto another story.  Otherwise, enjoy the story !


          Chapter 1 :  A Meeting of Evil

                "...then, before those two exercising idiots knew what hit them, they were strapped tight to the back of two giant hair brushes and hanging over the giant plastic head  that stood in the center of the room.  I then activated the timer and once it counted down to zero, the brushes would start combing the head's hair and BOOM!... no more aerobic duo.  Unfortunately, before the timer got to zero, some idiot hit me from behind and knocked me out cold.  When I regained consciousness, I found myself tied up with those two spandex clad idiots standing over me saying stuff like I'd have plenty of time to co-ordinate fashion in prison,"  the villainess Prima Donna said while looking into a hand mirror and adjusting her pearl necklace.

               "Giant hairbrushes?... Puulllease... I was in the middle of robbing the largest diamond importer/exporter in the city and had just cooled down the staff when Lycra Woman and Spandex Girl made their unwanted appearance.  After engaging in fisticuffs with those two for a few minutes, I managed to freeze them both in place.  The look on Lycra Woman's face as she realized that the only part of her lithe body she could move were her eyes was quite chilling to say the least.  Before I could leave with my loot and return to my icebox fortress, clouds of a warm gas flooded the room, obscuring my vision and sapping my strength.  By the time it dissipated, those two morons were free of the ice and had separated me from my cold cash.  If I hadn't brought the ceiling down on them with a cool blast of ice, they would have thrown me in jail,"   the cold powered villainess known as Lady Ice said while adding a few ice cubes to her drink.

              Two women dressed in tight fitting outfits and known in the criminal underworld as Lady Velvet and her sidekick Velveteen were browsing at the buffet table when they heard the ongoing discussion and walked over to where the other rogues had gathered.  "Well, if you people are talking about how close you came to doing away with Lycra Woman and Spandex Girl, we had those two bound and slowly lowering into a vat filled with our special Red Velvet solution that would have turned them into shiny red dolls to be packaged up and sold off to the highest bidder.  Unfortunately, before I knew it..."  Lady Velvet started to say before being interrupted by a loud cough at the far end of the room.

              The assembled rogues turned to see a woman dressed in a bright red and gold unitard with a yellow cape standing before holding what looked like an oversized Pezzy dispenser with a bright silver star on the top in her left hand.  She glanced briefly at each of the assembled crowd before her gaze settled on Lady Velvet.  

              "You're going to say that due to some bizarre incident which you didn't foresee, your plans for doing away with the two heroines fell through.  It's amazing how people cover up their own incompetence by blaming it on bad luck or someone besides themselves,"  the woman said with obvious contempt in her voice.

             "Who the hell are you to look down your nose at me?  I've never seen you before, though your outfit looks like something I've seen at  Halloween or on display at a costume rental shop..."  Lady Velvet shouted as she advanced on the brightly decorated woman.

             "Display indeed..."  the woman murmured as she pointed the item in her left hand in the direction of Lady Velvet.  A beam of silver light shot out of it and struck Velvet square in the chest before spreading to the rest of her body as she stopped dead in her tracks.  The other criminals looked on in shock as they saw Lady Velvet's appearance start to change literally before their eyes as her mouth, frozen in a now silent protest, slowly pulled into a warm pleasant smile.  The trademark shades she wore over her eyes disappeared revealing hazel green eyes that were locked staring straight ahead.  The villainess' arms moved seemingly of their own accord with her left hand coming to rest on her hip with her right hand raising up and tucking behind her head in a very seductive manner.

             As the crooks continued to look on,  the costume that Lady Velvet disappeared and was replaced by a very sexy swimsuit that consisted of  two strips of red cloth forming the letters L and V covering her breasts just barely and connecting to the rest of her suit via  another strip of cloth.  The rogues saw that her skin was rapidly changing into tan colored plastic with no sign of humanity visible anywhere.  Joint lines appeared around her shoulders, wrists and elsewhere on her immobile torso and limbs that made up this sexy mannequin.

             The transformation completed itself with a support rod appearing out of nowhere that the mannequin now rested on.  Prima Donna could see a hint of metal protruding from under the mannequin's bikini bottom indicating a plate where the rod securely fit into.

              Once the transformation was completed and before the stunned onlookers could react in any way, the wand wielding woman did a quick pirouette before gesturing dramatically at the newly created mannequin with her wand.  The criminals looked on and saw another beam issue forth from the wand which enveloped the transformed Lady Velvet like before. After a few seconds, the mannequin disappeared completely leaving nothing but bare floor where she stood and a very puzzled group of villainesses unsure what to do next.

              The woman at the front of the room nodded happily and held up her left hand as the criminals tensed to rush her or flee from the room (depending on level of bravery) at the first sign of trouble.  "Now that I've got everybody's attention, I'd like to introduce myself.  My name is Hocus Pocus, mistress of magic far beyond your imagination.  Before you get too excited, let me assure that I'm not one of those do-gooders like Lycra Woman and her dimwitted sidekick Spandex Girl.  However, I am new to this criminal world and thought that a little demonstration of my abilities might be in order.  I turned Lady Velvet into a beautiful swim wear mannequin and sent her to a place where her plastic beauty will be admired by many pedestrians.  I can always add another if needed..."  she said casting a glance at the approaching Velveteen, who stopped and shrank back from the thinly veiled threat.

              "I'll change her back to normal after a few days when the city has sucked dry of money in the biggest crime spree people on these parts have ever seen.  Of course, since I'm new at this type of thing, I'll be content to help out in the planning and provide what assistance you may need but I know none of you experienced villainesses will need my help even if any do-gooders show up.  Shall I start going over the plan?"  Hocus said in an innocent tone with a face that looked naive in appearance as well.

              The criminals in the room looked at her and nodded slowly in agreement.  They didn't entirely trust her but after seen her in action and hearing of a plan to make them lots of loot, they figured to play along.... for now.

               If they could hear what Hocus Pocus was thinking, the gathered criminals would have realized their mistrust was well placed.  "Yes... the plan... after it's done, things will look a great deal different in this area... and everyone will know who Hocus Pocus  is... Ha! Ha! Ha!..." she thought to herself before pointing her wand at the floor in front of her where a large parchment appeared moments later.

               "Shall we get started?" the magic using villainess said to the now attentive gathering .

Next: One small step for cooking, one giant step for freezing....

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