Part One: Jackie Pops Out
Barnacle Billy's Seafood Shack was a crowded and boisterous place this Saturday evening, and for good reason. Tonight was the first annual
"Barnacle Billy's Bikini Bash," and twelve attractive young women were parading down a makeshift runway wearing more makeup and smiles than
clothing. Hoots and hollers and wolf whistles filled the beachfront restaurant as the contestants made their brief jaunts and fashion model imitation turns
on a dangerously slick, body oiled piece of thick plywood bridging the two ends of Billy Tyler's bar.
The crowd was made up of the usual suspects
at these frequent swimsuit contests up and down the coast. There were bearded
bikers who cruised the
coastal highway in hopes of attracting large breasted, Harley groupies. Others were local bachelors, by choice or divorce decree, who liked to unwind
from a week of fork-lifting lumber, paint cans, or paper towel shipments by raising as much hell as legally allowed on Saturday nights. There were also
a few knuckleheads with female companions who somehow believed that watching their male escort ogle nubile and nearly naked girls constituted an
enjoyable date. And, of course, there were Billy's own attractive waitresses and cooking staff, along with the local merchants who helped sponsor the
event - which, in this case, meant springing for most of the prize money in return for a brief mention by Billy during his largely ignored emcee duties.
But one 'suspect' was highly unusual
for this type of evening and event. Sitting at a table near the window,
with a prime viewing location, was an older
woman dressed in drab attire, with only crackers and a cup of tea on the table in front of her; a large cloth bag on the floor beside her; and knitting
needles and some sort of sewing project laying in her lap. Her name was Marian Ette, and she was the proprietor of Miss Marian's Doll Cottage, a
new business in a very old house on the outskirts of town. Having a toy store as a major sponsor of a bikini contest was certainly out of the ordinary.
But it was actually Miss Ette who had planted the idea in the normally unfertile mind of Billy Tyler. She also provided a large chunk of the expenses.
And, she brought a number of costumed "sea characters" to aid in the festivities. Tyler wasn't sure if the old broad was courting some future favor, or
didn't have a very good grasp of targeted advertising, or maybe had a "thing" about seeing sexy ladies displaying their physical attributes. And he really
didn't care. The Doll Lady was going to help him make the Seafood Shack a well-known name up and down the coast, and make this a night that the
town of Magic Beach would never forget.
The twelve contestants had made their
first saunter, and it was time for Billy to give the girls a quick rest
by making some announcements, and plugging
the sponsoring businesses. He jumped up on the platform, a feat that caused a few laughs and a lot of boos, and began his unwelcomed spiel of
half-hearted thanks to local merchants, excessively enthusiastic promotion of his own humdrum menu, and lame ass sexist jokes.
The contestants were carefully stepping
off the platform as Billy began his schtick. A few headed for a makeshift
dressing room in the kitchen pantry.
Some headed for the women's restroom. A couple walked towards the offices near the restrooms. And a few decided to mingle with the crowd,
hoping to drum up some crowd support for their anatomical cause.
"Wow!" Billy intoned, as the last couple
of contestants reached the floor. "When you order a tall, cool one tonight,
boys, you're gonna have to be real
specific." There were some guffaws from the boisterous crowds, and the girls still in public view continued to smile broadly and laugh along. The
contestants who were out of sight whispered, "What an asshole!" in unison, even as they headed for their different areas.
One of this last group was Jacqueline
Carton, known to friends and the hundred or so leering men here tonight
as 'Jackie.' Jackie was not one of the
'tall ones' Billy had referred to, standing at only 5'5". But the high cut of her white 'criss-cross' bathing suit, along with long white blonde hair that
extended all the way down her tanned back, and white pumps with five inch heels, hopefully created the illusion of great height.
But height wasn't Jackie's problem during
this first break in the Bikini Bash. Oddly enough, for an event centered
on revealing as much female flesh as
possible, her problem was exposure. As soon as she reached the restaurant floor, she grabbed the arm of her good friend and makeshift dressing
room partner Julie Leigh, and headed quickly for their dressing area, Billy Tyler's office.
Julie wondered what the hurry was, noticing
that Jackie's other hand and forearm were draped over her breasts. That
struck the attractive, freckled
redhead as strangely modest, considering that the criss-cross suit Jackie was wearing revealed nearly all of the wearer's breasts, except for the nipples,
of course. But she followed her friend into the office, with Jackie shutting the door hard behind them
"What the hell is your problem?" Julie
asked when Jackie finally let go, and started looking frantically through
her purse, cursing as she sifted through
"Dammit, I thought sure I had brought some extra!" Jackie said, ignoring her friend while continuing her fruitless search.
"'Extra' what?" the blue bikini'd redhead tried again.
"Extra adhesive. For the suit." Jackie
answered, then sighed heavily and dropped her purse. "Sorry about grabbing
you, but I knew I only had a few
seconds to get off the floor before . . ." and even before she finished, Jackie's left breast slid completely out of its thin fabric holder, exposing it
completely to Julie.
"Uh-oh, that's not good . . . no offense." She clarified.
The long haired blonde waved her off and covered the nipple once more with the front strap of the suit. "I know what you mean."
"I thought those suits had some kind of sticky stuff to keep the - well, to keep that from happening?" Julie asked.
Jackie nodded. "They're supposed to.
But apparently this one is a bit defective. Between the crowd and the lights,
I guess it just got too hot in there,
and the adhesive melted. I thought sure I was going to pop out in front of everybody. God, what would happen then?"
"Well, if the bikers had anything to
do with it, you'd be named the automatic winner. But I think the rule is
if there's any exposure like that, you're
The blonde continued to inspect her suit.
"That's what I thought. That's why I've got to get this fixed. I thought
I brought some extra adhesive, just in
case, but it's not in my purse. Dammit, I don't want to drop out, but I can't go back out there without fixing this," she tried once more to affix the white
strap to the front of her breast, but once again it slipped out into plain view. "There I go - popping out again!"
"Listen, don't panic," Julie reassured
her. "one of the other girls, oh, what's her name? Long black hair. Big
boobs. Kind of a cobweb type bikini top.
Got a strange name, like Morgana, or Regina, no - Octavia. Yeah, that's it. Octavia. As big as her boobs are, and as small as that bikini is, she must
be using something to keep those babies in. I'll go ask her, and bring some back with me." She headed for the door.
"Thanks, Julie, but do you think we have
time? Billy might be finished his little speech."
Julie opened the door, and the girls could hear the restaurant's owner voice still droning over the PA system. ". . . and courtesy of Barnacle Billy's, and
our other fine sponsoring merchants, those lovable sea creatures from Miss Marian's Doll Cottage will be passing out a special gift to everybody here.
And once their finished, it's back to our Bikini Bash!" The crowd hooted its approval, and Julie turned to Jackie.
"Sounds like it won't be long. I'll find Octavia, and be back here in a flash," the redhead stepped out, closing the door behind her.
It was nice of her friend to go to so
much trouble, Jackie thought, and then wondered if she would have done
the same for Julie. Friendship was
important, but so was winning this contest. This could be the stepping stone to some big bucks modeling swimsuits. But if she couldn't keep her breasts
in her suit, the only modeling offers she'd ever get would be from those sleazy private lingerie parlors in the city that she'd heard about.
Jackie impatiently waited for a few more
moments. Gratitude for Julie's efforts was turning into suspicion at Julie's
motives. Maybe her 'good friend'
was only leading her on. Maybe she had no intention of finding this 'Octavia' and getting some adhesive. Maybe she was out there telling Billy that
Jackie had to drop out of the contest because of a faulty swimsuit and an errant breast. She was about to simply try some scotch tape and hope for the
best, when the office door opened.
"Thank God, Julie, I didn't think you'd
make back in time . . ." she stopped short when she saw a six foot plush
lobster step into the office. She quickly
pulled her strap back up, and held it with one arm. "Excuse me, but this is a dressing room. You're not supposed to be in here."
The lobster character had two giant plush
claws, and it put one of the claws up to its head in a kind of "whoops,
sorry" gesture. But inside the other
claw was a brightly wrapped package with a white bow on the top. This must be what Billy Tyler was talking about when he mentioned 'special gifts.'
The lobster made a few more steps toward the swimsuit contestant, and then held out the square, gift-wrapped box.
"Oh," she said, "Sorry to be so rude."
Jackie stepped toward the figure, and reached out to take the gift. "Thank
you. I'll open this after the contest."
But the lobster shook its head 'no' in an exaggerated fashion. "Okay. Okay. I'll open it now, then." Jackie conceded, and unfastened the bow, then
started removing the paper.
Inside the wrapping was a plain box,
nearly a foot high and wide, made of some thin metal - probably tin - and
painted almost the exact shade of white
as Jackie's swimsuit.
"Wow, great," Jackie said, in a dry sarcastic
tone, "what I always wanted. A white, metal box." The giant lobster stood
silent in front of her. "Too bad
there's not a tube of swimsuit adhesive inside. That I could use. Hey, you didn't run into a red head wearing a blue bikini out there, did you?" The
blonde looked at the box with a wry grin. "Why that little sneak. I'll bet she slipped some of that goop in here, and then wrapped it up real quick. Just
to surprise me." Jackie inspected the top part of the box. "How's this thing open?" There was a thin crack around the top of the box, and Jackie tried
to slip her fingernail in to pry it open. "Damn! It's closed tight. And the last thing I need is to break a nail. Well, that adhesive isn't going to do me any
good if I can't get the damn thing open . . ."
She stopped as her hand felt something on the side. It was a small crank.
"Of course, this is a Jack in the Box.
I haven't seen one of these in a long time. Damn that Julie. Always got
to be complicated. Couldn't just bring the
tube in, or at least put it in Tupperware."
The giant lobster had stood silent and motionless during Jackie's ranting, but now he lifted a pincer and pointed to the crank.
"Oh, yeah. It won't turn by itself, will
it?" The buxom blonde began to turn the crank, and the familiar refrain
of "Pop Goes the Weasel" could be heard.
Jackie sung along:
"'All around the mulberry bush.'" One turn.
"'The monkey chased the weasel.'" A second.
Jackie laughed nervously. "I always have
trouble with this line. I think it goes: 'The monkey laughed to see such
sport . . .'" The girl hesitated before
turning the crank again. "It always scared me when the jester, or clown, or whatever the hell is inside there, popped out." Her hand was actually
shaking, resting on the small crank. "But I guess if I'm going to get it, I gotta do it. And . . . Pop!" She said loudly as she turned the crank, and the box
lid sprung open. She jumped back in anticipation of the bobbing toy within, but was surprised when nothing emerged. " ' . . . goes the weasel.'" Jackie
ended the song quietly, then lifted the box to look inside. "Huh! Nothing in here. Just a little platform," she felt inside, then pulled her hand out quickly,
"kind of sticky, maybe like something was glued there. But no jester, no adhesive. Nothing." She looked at the lobster. "Better tell your boss that your
toy is defective," she said, giving the box back to the stuffed sea creature.
Surprisingly, the lobster shook his head
no, then placed the box - lid open - on the floor in front of him. "What
now," Jackie asked, "some 'lobster
This time, the lobster nodded, and then
quickly placed one of his giant stuffed claws around Jackie's midsection.
The movement was so quick that
Jackie didn't have time to scream before she was caught firmly in the plush creature's grasp. She wriggled frantically and tried to pry the claw loose
from around her, but she was held tight. As she opened her mouth to scream, the lobster placed his other giant claw around her head and mouth,
effectively stifling any noise. Then Jackie felt herself being lifted into the air, her white heels kicking back and forth for a few seconds until the lobster
moved his claw lower to hold her legs together.
Then she felt her heels hit something
metallic as the lobster started to lower her slowly. She could barely see
through a gap in the claw, but what she
saw was unbelievable. Her feet were being lowered into the empty white box. Jackie hoped to have at least a second to kick the box off, or maybe
even kick the lobster with it, but before she could the bottom of one of her heels touched the platform inside the box, and was stuck fast.
Jackie figured this was some kind of
practical joke. Everybody would get a good laugh seeing the swimsuit beauty
with her foot stuck in a
'jack-in-the-box.' But she would get her revenge somehow. As soon as this goon in a lobster suit let go, she would scream bloody murder . . .
But the lobster didn't let go. In fact,
he kept pushing. And amazingly, Jackie felt herself continue to descend
into the box. Her head started spinning,
and she felt her feet and legs becoming stiffer. She thought it was due to how tightly the lobster's claw held her legs and head, but that wasn't it at all.
Her head was spinning because she was getting smaller and smaller as the lobster pushed her into the box. And her feet and legs were getting stiffer
because they were changing inside the metal container. Just as her thighs and buttocks stiffened as they disappeared inside. Then her waist and flat
stomach. Then her breasts and arms and hands. And finally, Jackie's lovely face and blonde hair shrunk into the box, and stiffened as well.
Marian Ette walked into the office just
seconds later, just as the lobster was pushing the box lid shut. "Let's
have a listen - and a look," she said, and
started turning the crank.
'All around the mulberry bush. The monkey
chased the weasel. The monkey laughed to see such sport. POP! Goes the
weasel.' The lid flew open, and
this time the box wasn't empty. Instead, a very lovely blonde doll popped out of the box, its arms extended out with one hand waving, its lovely long
legs bobbing up and down in their accordion form. As the doll bobbed, one of the straps on its tiny white crossover swimsuit slid to the side, and a
small, shapely, plastic breast popped free.
"I'm going to have to get some adhesive
for that," Ms. Ette declared, then slowly stuffed the doll back in and
closed the lid. She opened her large cloth
bag, and placed her newest toy, a 'Jackie-in-the-Box' inside for safekeeping. There were still many toys to make at the Bikini Bash.